love
Real Winning
#winning
It’s been the topic du jour around the internet these days. And, like any topic, it’s starting to reach it’s saturation point, our attention is beginning to lapse, and we will go find a new shiny object to play with. That is the life cycle of internet memes. It’s a beautiful thing – this permanent temporary nature of our attention – that most of us can’t help but watch and argue as someone publicly unravels.
Take a moment though and read this: 51 Hours Left to Live
Like a meme, it will be just temporary:
On Tuesday I’ll finally end my battle with cancer thanks to Oregon’s Death with dignity act. As part of my preparations I’ve ended my pain medication and am trying to regain what little dignity and clarity I can. Who I was doesn’t matter. I’m in pain, I’m tired and I’m finally being granted a small shred of respect. Feel free to AMA if you’re so inclined.
The responses shine as what true #winning is about. The responses are beautiful, motivated by compassion and that fragile thing we all hold close to our hearts: hope. This anonymous person has thousands of people participating in a eulogy – not to this person’s life, but to life itself. It’s a sobering counter point to the happenings at Sober Valley Ranch. This person – who as far as I can tell remains anonymous – has brought together people and has gone on a virtual “world tour” with thousands upon thousands messaging them goodbye wishes and celebrating a singular life and life in general. There are many moments of tear inducing poignancy – like this one on regrets:
“Yes, one. I bought my high school sweetheart an engagement ring and never gave it to her. Life happened, meaning in was dumb. I went in the military after a dumb fight and…. Yeah just one”
On taking chances:
“My question tonyounwould be this, what long term risk is there in saying hello? I can’t find any. Worst case, is you get some possessive asshole that thinks your hitting on his sister and you get a black eye. Total pain and shame lasts maybe a month. Meeting the right girl though lasts forever.”
On moments:
“Go to Key West Florida. I was there once and saw the sun rise and set in the same day. Was really peaceful and sharing it with her would be more then I deserve”
and on life:
“I would tell him that it’s not living that’s failed him, it’s life. We can always change our life as long as were living. He’s addressing the wrong issue.”
So – while so many of us, myself included, have spent energy focusing on #winning or whatever childish meme was created by a floundering star – there are super novas of beauty getting extinguished around us at this very moment. I want to take pause and acknowledge this moment and the tears of empathy that let me know that I am alive…
Confessions of a New Gleek…
(Editor’s Note: How did I ever sleep on this? Seriously….For shame….)
I consider myself a student of Pop Culture. I mean, to a certain extent, that’s what my degree was in. And, as a student of pop culture, I know so much about things that I never have actually watched. Whether it is the plot line to Morman Vampire stories or the power that Justin Bieber wields – I feel up to date.
So how did I miss Glee?
Of course, I didn’t miss Glee. I knew what it was. I was aware but I never watched it – despite my love for campy musicals and Jane Lynch. But I never watched it. Boy, have I missed out.
The show is Pop Culture personified. The show is allusion – to great music, great performances, and has everything that shows are missing. It’s Family Friendly but doesn’t have kids gloves. The High School students have sex. With multiple partners. Their are gays and lesbians. There is divorce, fighting, bullying – it doesn’t hold back (at least for a television show). Yet, it’s heart felt and feel good. You can’t help but smile watching it. I know, I know – I’ve missed out for the last year. Still – it’s never too late.
My favorite character is easily Brittany. Check out the interview with Heather Morris here:
And my favorite One-Liners of Brittany:
Working on the weekend
Just taking a moment from working on the weekend to remind myself why I work:
Not Happy? Change Something!
I was a vegetarian from around the time I was 13 to around the time I was 23. That’s a whole decade where I did not eat meat. It’s kind of funny to think back at those days – especially when the happiest day of my week is the day that I get to visit Croxley’s for their $.10 wing nights. Still – it was a definitive part of my history. So, why did I change? The answer: MATH.
Picture your life like a giant algebra puzzle (I know, I know – who remembers algebra?). Whatever the equation is – the goal is to have that equation equal “happiness.” Everyone’s equation is different, but the goal is the same. So, after some initial post-collegiate adventures, I moved to Syracuse. Syracuse, NY – my home town. Which, at the time, felt like I accomplished nothing in the five years since I graduated high school. No diploma, no life experience, no tales from the other side could convince me otherwise – I was a failure (I’d link to those introspective blog posts, but I’ll save that for my memoirs).
That’s the thing about home towns – especially during the times of early adult hood. I didn’t know that I was simply part of a new phenomena, I just knew that things were not working out the way I wanted them to. So I started to think about what I wasn’t happy about. The first things that popped into my head were “Location” and “Work.” These were two big variables that I was decidedly unhappy with. I wasn’t doing work that was fitting for what I wanted to do in my career. And I was unhappy living back in my home town, a place that felt extremely tiny despite the 700k people living in the metro area.
The problem with big variables is that they aren’t exactly easy to change. Moving and employment are intrinsically tied together – so unless you have the savings to pay for the move and the possible months of unemployment, moving isn’t truly an option (I’ll discover a few years later that it’s also not as hard as I imagined it to be, but that’s another story for another time). So, if I can’t move and the local economy making it hard to find worth employment – what should I do?
Let’s go back to that algebra problem of life? We’ve established that there are big variables out there (work, employment) but what about the little variables? Each day we’re given a choice to do certain things. They can be as simple as the route we take to work or the places we frequent. Whatever they are – they impact the rest of your life as much as those big variables do. Make enough change to the little variables and there might be more impact on your life than the big ones could provide. Changing something – anything – is an important step toward happiness.
So – I looked at my life and started to think about the things that I never thought about. I lived a pretty simple life. I was living with some friends of the family, I was paying myself out of debt and I had very few friends. But diving deeper, I decided to look at some things that I never thought about. The first thing: what I ate. Despite being a vegetarian, I wasn’t the most healthy eater. And, the label vegetarian, never really fit with me. There was no Upton Sinclair/anti-meat industry moment. There was no “Animals are all living beings” empathy. There was just the simple fact that I did not eat meat. No rhyme. No reason. And that wasn’t good enough.
I started eating meat slowly, but it quickly paid dividends. When word got around that I was no longer a vegetarian, I was invited out to guys nights at Hooters. Sure, that’s not a recipe for changing your life for good – but it expanded my social circle. I started to enjoy my home town in a new way – forgetting the pangs of adolescents and discovering and making new memories. I started to make some good friends who, while not a part of my life anymore, served a role and introduced me to some great people I am still close with today. I evolved and my life became happier. A small, little choice changed my life. It effected the equation and I was closer to the happiness we all crave.
It took years for me to be happy but I never forgot that lesson – if you’re unhappy, change something. It’s powerful when you realize how easy it is. At 29 years old (almost 30 as my girlfriend likes to remind me), I am happier than I have ever been. But I’m not completely there yet. There’s a reexamination of what I want in my life. Being in love added a new variable that I never before realized was part of the equation and I realize that it’s actually the best part of the equation. The other variables have become smaller. It’s the smaller variables that I need to shift because I am so close to complete happiness. So close to the life that I want that I no longer am obsessed with it. Just a few tweaks here and there and it will be complete. And I know that, if I ever get too far from the answer, I can always just do the one thing that has produced results: Change Something.
George’s Check Ins Across America
The great thing about the Internet is that you can revisit your past. Like a time capsule, it contains nuggets of information long forgotten, only to be uncovered.
I recently stumbled upon Weeplaces – a Foursquare visualization tool. It shows your entire timeline of places that you have checked in. Here’s a visualization of my travel throughout the US.
As you can see, my check ins are focused on the two places I have lived – Boulder, Co and New York, NY. I’ve traveled to Dallas, Chicago, Austin, Bentonville, and Upstate NY a bit as well. Pretty cool to see the distances traveled come and the random airports that I’ve passed through.
It’s even cooler when you go down to the closer views. Here’s my check in’s on Pearl Street in Boulder, Co:
It’s funny to see the places I went to the most. I’m definitely the kind of person that becomes a “regular” somewhere. All the bar hopping and check in’s in Boulder also makes me remember why I was a lot more broke back then.
Geolocation is big these days. And it can be useful. Last night, I needed to reach my girlfriend and she wasn’t answering her phone. She was staying in Atlanta, but I wasn’t sure where. Using Google Latitude, I was able to locate her. I could have also found her via Foursquare. I was able to call the hotel and get connected to her room. While it still didn’t help me in my endeavor, it at least proved effective in locating where she was staying.
Random List of 5 Thoughts from this years BlogHer
I was talking to my friend Sugar Jones about how this year’s BlogHer was “different.” She smiled, started to bounce around to the music, and simply said – “We’re different. We’re older” and proceeded to dance her butt off. I smiled and realized that she was right. The first few days of BlogHer had me feeling slightly uncomfortable – something seemed off. But as Sugar bounced back on the dance floor, I knew that being different wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, after a few hours of recovering – I realized that this was a pretty great event. Below are some of the things that felt a bit “off” and some of the things I am excited to experience. In random order. I’ll probably have to write another recap too – but this is just what’s top of mind:
1) I cried. Here. And if you didn’t laugh more than you cried, well – then you weren’t listening. While I work in the internet, I always believed that it’s powered at its root by community. That’s what BlogHer is. And that’s what this panel was about – communities coming together to help those that are in need. While I’ve avoided real tragedy in my life, the internet has helped me more than once in coming to terms with that empty feeling of loneliness that comes with the mean reds. Big round of applause goes to Cecily Kellogg, Loralee Choate, Kim Trimble, Anissa Mayhew, and Peter Mayhew – who became the first man to appear on a BlogHer panel. And while he, without a doubt, would prefer that the circumstances that caused him to be up there never happened – he is also the only person I could think of deserving to break the gender barrier there.
The grieving session also made me miss Erin Kotecki Vest. While she was having BlogHer at home, she was in many people’s thoughts. I heard her named mentioned a lot. BlogHer missed you this year. Get better fast.
2) I missed my Ohio girls. I don’t have favorites in the Blogosphere. I work with a lot of different people. But sometimes you just miss people when they aren’t there. I missed Jenny and Emily. Amy. Katie. Andrea. Erin. and Tara (although I did see Tara this year already!) I’m sure I’m missing a few others. With my girlfriend being from Ohio, I do have to say that I have a soft spot for the Mid-West and missed all those Ohio women too cool to stop by. At least I did get to see Tricia from OnceaMonthMom.com – which made my day. I did drag her into the booth to make a video though:
3) I have great friends. Seriously – great friends. I was hugged by so many of my friends that “live in my iPhone.” Friends that I see once a year – if I’m lucky. Lori Falcon sat around with me for 5 hours on Wednesday while I did work and worked on final details for BlogHer. Christine Young took me to the Russian Tea Room after winning a gift certificate. Audrey McClelland made sure I was the best boyfriend by letting my girlfriend visit her Getting Gorgeous event. I saw some of my favorite Colorado people in Aimee and Bryan and, briefly, Tara. I had a great discussion about blogging/brand practices with Jessica Randazza, Christopher Barger, Bonin Bough, and a room full of attentive bloggers thanks to Lucretia Pruitt and Jenn Fowler. I saw so many people that I’m going to stop naming names because it will never be complete enough. All I’m saying is that the great people that I know – the people that make me happy – all come to things like this. It makes me energized and I am already looking forward to next year.
4) It was under control. The complaints from last year should vanish. No more repeating stories of blackmail, over zealous bloggers and swag, and brands hating babies. It was, in the end, a great conference with very little controversy (unless I missed something). Like Sugar said, BlogHer has grown up. So has the community. It’s a wonderful thing to see – especially since it still hasn’t lost the fun and there are still McDonald’s bag hats and Unicorns and Sparkles.
5) I can’t dance. Not that I didn’t already know this. I did a preview for “Just Dance 2″ three times. My scores progressively got worse. It’s horrible. As the sun set, it didn’t get any better. I tried twirling Sarah Pinnix a few times but only ended up looking stupid in the process. I tried dancing with Leah Segadie too. Nope. Not cool. Note to self: Don’t try dancing with people that get compared to Lady GaGa by the Huffington Post. Just don’t….
One Post Isn’t Enough – I mean, c’mon, most of the pictures haven’t even been uploaded yet. I will definitely write more soon.
My Personal Dagobah
I went to the movies the other day – the theater on 2nd Ave and 31st street. This is a section of town that I hate. It reminds me of the past. Of ex-lovers. Of disappointment and fear. In the iconography of my life, this section of town is my version of the cave on Dagobah – where I bring with me my own fears and anxiety from life.
Fears and anxiety are a funny thing. When I graduated college, I was fearful that I could ever provide the fulfilling life that I felt my girlfriend wanted. I was fearful that I could ever be “good enough” for her – whatever the hell that means. I had all this fear and anxiety built up that I didn’t know what to do with it. When I drove her to her job interview at Tisch Hospital, I wandered around the blocks around 2nd ave and 31st street. I contemplated my future. I succumbed to my fears. We may have dated for a few more months, but that was the beginning of the end. It was the end because I started to doubt myself.
Not to say that present day me doesn’t doubt himself from time to time, but I finally have come to grips with who I am and what I’m capable of: which is to say a lot. I am dating the most wonderful woman I have ever met. Younger me would have been so fearful about Alana. He would have felt that she was too good for him. That she would never be happy. But those insecure feelings have been vanquished and, while I know that she is without a doubt my better-half, she is someone I consider a partner and love completely.
It’s funny how going back to this place that represents a period of time where I felt weak, can make me feel so strong these days. It puts into perspective the growth that I have had over the years. As I continue to grow, figuring out the various complexities of personal growth, professional growth, and spiritual growth – I wonder what place will represent my next challenge…
Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright
Well, it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
An’ it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do, somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on
But don’t think twice, it’s all right
And it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An’ it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
But don’t think twice, it’s all right….
I don’t know which came first. My love for Bob Dylan or the cynicism. Rob Gordon asks the question but the answer is never provided. Still, I find such beautiful, cynical music to be so compelling. I’ve been in a Dylan mood for the past few weeks and I don’t foresee it going away.
I’m writing a book. It’s a love story of sorts and it’s a bit of a departure from my previous writings. Stylistically, it will probably be the same because that’s just the way I write. But from a plot perspective, I am starting to carve out a distinct plot where my previous writings were mostly just ramblings that I would edit down.
The iPhone background is the new Wallet Photo
The more I show my iPhone wallpaper to show inquisitive people what my girlfriend looks like, the more I’m realizing that the iPhone is like the new “wallet photo.” Technology is ever evolving and changing the way we socialize. While I’m not talking about tech nostalgia per se, but it does get me thinking about how certain things have changed the way we interact.
Going Out: In the trailer for the movie “Hot Tub Time Machine,” the kid is asking out a girl and asks how can she get in touch with them. He goes through all of his methods: text, email, cell phone. She finally says, “Come Find Me.” His reply would be the same as mine: “That sounds hard.” Even going back to when I was in college, we had cell phones but we still struggled to get in touch with the people that were out – texting was still relatively new. Now, I have Foursquare telling me where all my friends, acquaintances, and everyone in between are. Throw in Twitter, and I don’t actually have to actually engage with anyone to go out with them. Some people may find that weird, but the planned serendipity is nice- allowing me to just “wing” a night together and still end up hanging out with friends and having a lot of fun.
Apartment Hunting: Seriously, can you imagine looking for apartments without Craigslist? I can’t. It’s a one-stop shop. Sure, it’s the same as classifieds – except it brought it to the masses. Now, if an apartment is going to be rented, there will be an advertisement in Craigslist. It’s made it so easy to move that I couldn’t even tell you how people did it before.
Directions I was in Canada recently for a movie shoot (I know, I live such a fun life) and I didn’t sign up for the Canadian Data plan, so my iPhone was simply a cell phone. I felt lost. What did people do before GPS-enabled phones? I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do in New York without my Google Maps. It’s crazy to think that people used to live that way…that I used to live that way…but that just goes to show how technology changes behavior.
There are so many other ways that technology has changed my behavior. I would love to hear some of yours. Leave a comment below so we can discuss.
