I need to regroup with my roommate Taryn to go over a few final details, but I think the goal is create a pretty cozy and fun experience in the living room. I mean – the layout is pretty sweet. You go down the spiral staircase into the room. There’s a small alcove and room for a couch or two. There’s not much natural light – so, at the suggestion of Josh, I’m investigating putting mirrors to spread some of the natural light.

It will be a work in progress. I will start sharing pictures soon. We have a few couch crashers here so I want to do a bit more cleaning before I start documenting the process.

There’s really nothing more to write than that.

But….if you want me to write more, I can talk about how this non-Battlestar Galactica watching guy has really taken to the show Caprica. The episodes are compelling and interesting. The plot lines seem immense – you’re not sure where they could go and yet they are buttoned up as well. The characters are three-dimensional – you feel their emotions, you seem things simmering underneath the surface. These are things that one does not usually find in television programming. Add in the captivating Torresani, whom I have slowly fallen in love with thanks to her beautiful visage being plastered on Subways all around the city, and the Caprica universe has found a new fan.

So – what am I? Here are the things I love: Living in New York; Music (or to be more specific: acoustic rock, singer/song-writer stuff, songs with hand claps, female vocalists, folk music, songs that read like literature, hip-hop); literature (again with the specifics: Henry Miller, Vladimir Nabokov, David Sedaris, David Eggers, Nick Hornby, Gustave Flaubert, Lawrence Durrell, Michael Chabon, Chinua Achebe, Anais Nin, Sylvia Plath, Elizabeth Wurtzel); poetry; spring and summer time; the ocean; skittles; Paris; French Language; love stories; movies that make me cry; friends that make me smile; intellectual debates; colorful pictures; colorful walls; gatorade; Apple products; moleskine notebooks; women’s fashion; my bed; my friends; my family (or what’s left); my mentors; sesame bagels with cream cheese; soy chai’s from Starbucks; Pizza; Chicken Wings; comfortable clothes; dressing up; travel; blogging; writing in general; drawing (even though I’m bad at it); photography (even though I’m worse at it); alone time; being surrounded by people; karaoke; blue pens; anything minty; twitter; foursquare; social media; seeing my friends succeed; being there for people; being a good listener; surprising people; being three-dimensional; late nights; early mornings; running (when it doesn’t hurt); Basketball; Syracuse Orange (Fave Current Player: Andy Rautins); New York Yankees (Favorite Players: Derek Jeter, Robbie Cano, and Mariano Rivera)…..

I could probably continue to type about the things I love – these things that make me who I am. It’s not a complete picture, but I’m there. Lately, someone called me a “player” and that was hurtful. If there’s anything I pride myself on, it’s my complete honesty. I’m not interested in playing any sort of game. I just want to continue to add to this list of things I love and continue to add to who I am….

via pitchfork.com

I am highly anticipating this album. I loved the first one and I am sure this will rekindle my crush on Zooey Deschanel.

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I don’t write about my family that much. Airing family business was a mistake I did when I was younger – and while I don’t regret it (blogging got me through most of it), maturity has caused me to be a bit less trigger happy when it comes to issues of family. That being said, I don’t see mine very much. My sister, the impetus for this post, lives in Charlotte with her husband. My dad lives upstate. My mom is off the radar in my life. My sense of family is different from others and, as I get older, I can’t help but reflect on why that is. Like I said, this blog is not the place for that but it is the place to, at the very least, record the fact that I’m thinking about it…

I wonder if I’ll somehow look back on the photos that I have on Facebook, Flickr, etc and share the same wonder and amusement that I have with these photos. I wonder as my family spreads their roots and plants them in new places, if my sister and I will share too many family moments together. It’s hard to imagine starting my own family and what that will look like, what kind of memories I will attempt to capture, and all those things in between. As usual, only time will truly be able to tell with these things. I’m glad that my sister posted these, allowing me travel back in time, to remember the days when my family just seemed so perfect….

The Sunday evening special had this Boston boy succumbing to the allures of the East Village neighborhood that I call home. Time had changed both our appearances – gone was the flowing blonde Dawson Leary-esque hair of yesteryear – replaced by the shaved out of growing necessity head of our late 20’s. He’s put on a little weight. I’ve put on a bit more. He still loved Pearl Jam. I’ve moved on to the Dirty Projectors. He speaks in the tongues of bastardized 80’s slang and phrases on he can pull off. I speak a lot less than I used to. Still, the conversation flowed as seamlessly as they did back in the confines of AC13.

Tom is still with his college girlfriend – despite a bump in the road here or there. Stories of mine come up now and then but they are distant memories. I tell him about my latest heartbreak and classic misadventures. We share grass is greener moments and more drinks. It’s a classic night in the ways that have been escaping me more and more.

We shuffled through the streets onto Avenue A, and I was drunk and I was thinking – thinking about all those typical thoughts when you’re hanging out with someone you haven’t seen in years. With Tom, it’s been about four years. I saw him regularly when I first left school – making trips out to Boston. I even attempted to date a girl or two out in New England because I was heading out there so much. Looking back, it seems like so long ago. Especially the last few years – with old friends fading from my memory while Tom regales me with stories of weddings, break ups, and the various details of lives I find myself a stranger to. We laughed about the various things over a slice or two of Nino’s pizza, climbed the fences in Thompkins Square Park, and ran back to my apartment where we had left Elaine passed out.

I found myself sitting in my dark apartment alone last night. I was upset – not about anything in particular but just in general. The excitement of Elaine and Tom’s visit had disappeared. I was alone for the first time in a week. Probably even longer than that as the various entrappings of New York have entertained me. Someone mentioned that perhaps I was an addict to adrenaline and I can see that. The excitement of social situations empowers me. I am at my best when I am around others. Still, solitude can be comforting in it’s malaise. I took a recap of the events, saw my bed room in shambles from a week of sharing it with someone, and sighed. The sigh soon turned into tears. I didn’t really know why I was crying. I didn’t feel anything in particular – there was no sadness, nothing bitter hanging around. While I was lonely, it wasn’t the kind of lonely that brings on the tears. Still, there they were, streaming down my face, coming in uncontrollable waves. It lasted for what felt like an hour but probably was no more than 10 minutes. Then I felt relief. And calmness. I pulled out my book and started reading, aftershocks of tears coming here and there, but for the most part – I was done. It was just a release…

Pearl Jam’s song “Release” contains the lines: “Oh, dear dad, can you see me now / I am myself, like you somehow / I’ll ride the wave where it takes me / I’ll hold the pain…Release me…” This always makes me think of my father, his issues with mental illness, and its impact on me. My dad is bi-polar, among a myriad of other things. Moments like this – these high low moments that I have – I find myself wondering if I suffer from the same things. The pains of adolescence once had me in serious depressions. Even in college, I “felt” a lot more than other people. Somewhere along the way though, I feel I developed an emotional maturity. My life reached more of a balance. I feel far more normal now than ever. This crying jag that I had wasn’t about depression, chemical imbalances, or my father. It was merely a stress release – my body telling me, “Hey asshole, I think you need a break.”

It takes a lot to understand one’s personal emotions. It takes a clairvoyance that can not be seen in tarot cards, or the palms of your hands. I think I developed my self-confidence by really understanding my emotions. The ebb and flow of my oceans of blood and hormones have been regulated, and I feel at peace. A lot more in control. But sometimes, true control is realizing when you need to let it all go. When you need that release….

1.) Theodore
Roosevelt

 

At first glance,
Roosevelt may be a strange choice for number one, but the guy had everything. He wasn’t
the best-looking president, but he was damn handsome. He was in
ridiculously good shape and a rugged outdoorsman. He cared passionately about
the environment, bravely lead the way into battle, and fought against corruption in
every office he held. Theodore Roosevelt was so sexy that if he slept with your
girlfriend, you’d be flattered. He’s part Chuck Norris (meme Chuck Norris, not actual Chuck Norris), part Evel Knievel, part
John Wayne, and part Daniel Craig. He was the most popular man in America for a
reason, and our sexiest president ever.

This is awesome….

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Songs and love are something that I talk about a lot – often together.  Looking back on my eclectic music collection, I see many of the similar songs that I once used as inspiration in my more naive and blissful days.  I can’t replicate all those mix tapes from back in the day – made with Skeff, in college, and many times after – but I can write about a few of my songs that might be a bit off the radar from the conventional mix-tape.

Lover Lay Down – Dave Matthews Band

It’s hard to say that this song was under the radar, but it definitely wasn’t one of Dave’s top hits, coming on his breakout release “Under the Table and Dreaming.” For anyone growing up in the 1990’s, Dave Matthews represents the sweet saccharine songs that wowed girls and either inspired boys and made them run for the hills. I was inspired – the hopeless romantic long before I really knew what that was all about. Listening to this song for the first time in a long time (a decade, perhaps?), I can’t help but enjoy it’s simple beauty. My tastes in music may have evolved past Dave Matthews by the turn of the century, but he still knows how to write a good love song….

Forever – Ben Harper

Maybe the cynical streak is something I was born with – or at least, embedded with due to parental divorce and a uncomfortable adolescence. Either way, this song made it’s way onto so many mix tapes that I almost think it was a single – even though it definitely wasn’t. Ben would actually make many appearances on these sort of mix tapes – with songs like “Steal my Kisses” off of “Burn to Shine” being the most memorable.

Can’t Hardly Wait – The Replacement

This was always a classic staple on a mix tape – even though I’m a much bigger ‘Mats fan today than I ever was back then. It’s a classic. Not much to really write about it….

Luna – The Smashing Pumpkins

The Smashing Pumpkins were the hot band in High School. One of my favorite albums growing up was Siamese Dream. While most girls got into them during the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness string of hits, I loved them earlier. This song was my way of being “cool” – putting a sweet song from a band that they already loved. It’s a classic mix tape move – one that I probably would still do, even if the song selection has improved.

Lullaby (Goodnight my Angel) – Billy Joel

Sure – the song is written about his daughter. My younger self even knew that. Still, I figured most girls wouldn’t and I kept this song to be one of the key closers on any good romantic mix tape. I’m not a big Billy Joel fan, but he still writes beautiful music that appeals to the masses. In other words, the perfect closer to a mix tape…

Of course, making a mix tape is a lot more than picking a few songs and putting them together. It’s about flow and balance and all those stuff that I’ve written about a million times. I just wanted to relive some of the thoughts I used to have around making tapes. Now, with my love life a lot more complicated and unpredictable, sometimes being able to just make a tape is exactly where I need to be…..

One of my favorite aspects of blogging is that I can not fully cede to the revisionist nature of human memory.  As time shifts, we remember things different.  We often call this “perspective” and we feel that we’ve reached some form of truth.  But perspective is merely a view or vantage point on a situation – something that constantly changes.  Memories, therefore, go through this mental form of telephone – getting configured and reconfigured with each new perspective until the final note is often not very similar to the original.  With blogs, I see – often in explicit form – the way I was feeling about certain things at the time.  This makes those times when you question why things happen, what could have been, and all the tidal movements in between make a bit more sense because you’re chronically life in the moment, rather than letting perspective pervert it.

Life, invariably, will move on.   While our perspective on things change, ultimately I can always come back to these vignettes of my life and toast to these passages that stake claim into the true feelings I had at the time.  The true feelings that make bittersweet dates like March 1st ring a bit emptier because all those things that you waited for and wanted, finally have reached a point to where they are graspable – except they are lost to you, forever shelved in the imaginary land of what could have been….

On March 1, I will toast to it…..and hopefully, just move on….

Some weird findings by a CBS News/New York Times poll: When Americans are asked whether “gay men and lesbians” should be allowed to openly serve in the military, 58 percent say yes. When asked, however, if equally not-straight “homosexuals” should be allowed to openly serve in the military, only 44 percent say yes. Maybe we should start out letting gays serve, and then gradually phase in homosexuals once America gets comfortable? [CBS News]

People are dumb.

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