On March 1st, I will toast to all things that could of been, for the things that actually happen tend to ultimately disappoint, while the things that never happen never do. They just remain there with the a sweet sullen melancholy of what could have been….
One of my favorite aspects of blogging is that I can not fully cede to the revisionist nature of human memory. As time shifts, we remember things different. We often call this “perspective” and we feel that we’ve reached some form of truth. But perspective is merely a view or vantage point on a situation – something that constantly changes. Memories, therefore, go through this mental form of telephone – getting configured and reconfigured with each new perspective until the final note is often not very similar to the original. With blogs, I see – often in explicit form – the way I was feeling about certain things at the time. This makes those times when you question why things happen, what could have been, and all the tidal movements in between make a bit more sense because you’re chronically life in the moment, rather than letting perspective pervert it.
Life, invariably, will move on. While our perspective on things change, ultimately I can always come back to these vignettes of my life and toast to these passages that stake claim into the true feelings I had at the time. The true feelings that make bittersweet dates like March 1st ring a bit emptier because all those things that you waited for and wanted, finally have reached a point to where they are graspable – except they are lost to you, forever shelved in the imaginary land of what could have been….
On March 1, I will toast to it…..and hopefully, just move on….