( I got to meet Jenny, The Bloggess. Not only that, I’m pretty sure she actually will remember my name – which is a complete rush to me because, I am totally in love with her. Not in a sexual way – although she’s a beautiful woman – but in a “OMG, she makes me pee my pants sort of way.” Which might be sexual in an R. Kelly sort of way…Anyway, this post is dedicated to her. )
Nancy W. Kappes told me that I have a nice ass. She then spent the next half hour grabbing it. I think at one point she dug her nails into it, which may or may not have been a turn on. She asked about the size of my genitalia and then started telling me stories that made me feel uncomfortable – which says a lot since I don’t normally get uncomfortable and actually like it when women grab my ass. It also has been a while since a woman actually even THOUGHT of my genitalia, let alone inferred positive comments about it. And, even if she was twice my age and possibly clinically insane, it made me feel loved. And during the bouts of uncomfortableness and feelings of love, I realized I missed my blog.
As I spent much of the past weekend working BlogHer as the representative of my brand, I had some great conversations with bloggers that I absolutely have been in love with forever. Bloggers that I would be reading regardless of whether I got paid to do it or not. People like The Bloggess, without whom I may have not been molested by the older, but far more frisky than 99% of the population, paralegal. One that might be quite insane. Seriously – Nancy W. Kappes is real. The kind of real that makes you think, “man, hanging out with her is crazy – I wish I could write about this in my blog.”
Which is why I realized I missed it. Why can’t I write about Nancy W. Kappes on my personal blog? Will a true story about a woman who may or may not have been abusing prescription medicine really bad for business? It’s not like I’m doing anything. It’s just Nancy – who said “fuck” more times than Samuel L. Jackson in his entire movie catalogue in about 25 minutes. Nancy who had like 25 pill cases in her purse that she claims were hair rollers but I couldn’t help but imagine the prescription drug cocktail that she made in order to induce such hectic behavior. Nancy, who made me realize how normal a life I live that, even if I commented or wrote about every inane detail – I would ultimately prove to be much saner and seemingly happier than the Nancy W. Kappes of the world.
So, my blog will be reborn with a bit more personal stories in it. After all, when I reminice over sharing the hilarious outtakes from my dating life, my work life, my home life, and everything in betweet – I realize that is why I loved being on the internet and being a part of a community – which is why I ended up getting paid to do this every day anyway. I’m bringing back the love – thanks to some ass smacks by Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal…
Hahaha sounds like you had an awesome time!
This is the funniest thing that I have read in a long time. I am totally laughing and reading it to my husband. Keep blogging George! You are too funny and worth reading. :)
You actually types you're not in love with Jenny in a sexual way?! You must be lying if you felt the need to put it in writing. LOL. I am so jealous you were accosted by Nancy W. Kappes. I also find it totally awesome that her name is your top search for today. It was great meeting you.
I'm jealous you got to meet Jenny, since I didn't end up getting to (only my stupid wife got to meet her, after she headed off on her own at the conference), but I have to admit I would probably have been embarrassingly intimidated by Nancy in the wrong kind of way. For me, I think she'd be funnier at a distance. A distance that provides a decent head start and plausible deniability should the police or DEA show up.
I made my way from the bloggess' blog. Can I just say that I love…that Nancy W. Kappes taught you “life lessons” . Most importantly I love how this awesomely crazy woman has such a large fan base. Only on the internet.
[...] of Captain Kangaroo. That would be even more fucked up. Then I look behind me and Nancy is assaulting our Crocs sponsor but he actually seems quite delighted about it and that’s when I was very glad that I [...]
I meant to leave a comment, but realized I had nothing super exciting to say. But yay for you getting to meet Nancy. Also, Hi! My name is Amanda.
Nancy W. Kappes is like Jesus! She brings out the best in people.
But with alcohol, inappropriate touching and pills.
Your life will never be the same. (Neither will your blog for that matter.)
Yay! Blog On! You and your genitalia are loved.
You know, I've always thought that BlogHer is not for me…..but if people like Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal hang out there, then I AM IN LIKE FLYNN.
You are awesome, and I can't wait to meet you. Blog on with yer bad self. Can't wait to read more!!
SCORE!! This is my Second Miracle (the First being actually able to be alive) so, Thanks Be To Geo! All I need now is another miracle (or a Really Good Card Trick) and I can be totally! Canonized! For Sainthood, Motherfuckers! YES!!!!
[Although I do wish it would have been under J2P2, since his game was much jiggier than Bene-to-tha-Dict. But I'll take it anyway.)
Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal and Future Saint.
p.s. Way to rock it, my tasty little Geo: you are now assured Ownership of the Penthouse in Heaven. Or wherever.
p.p.s. Okay, now bitches, tell me I'm wrong; don't you want to put some Cheese-Wiz on his head and just gobble him up? See?
p.p.s. Oh, and Geo, I do have a place open in the Foster Home I run. That last one made off with half-a-pound of Judy Garland Trail Mix and my 800 thread-count sheets. Little snot.
OMG, I love you.
Nancy Kappes, we share the same middle name and I am ten kinds of jazzed about that business, let me tell you.
Also, I would like to invite you to the 'Token Girls' party in my room at BlogHer next year. The plan is this: To have all the male blogging populace (or as many as my meager square footage will allow) in attendance, and have the girls who are typically used to hanging out/socializing with teh menfolks in attendance, as well…hopefully a ratio of roughly five-to-one. There will be a tequila fountain and maybe also board games and probably fancy cheese from a can. We are still in the planning stages of this thing.
Ohhhhh, please say you can attend, Magical Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal. We won't require you to do any miraculous feats, only tell dirty jokes and drink tequila face-first from a fountain. And you too, George, you come as well!
And people say Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal isn't real. Of course, she is – she reads your blog and wants to put cheese wiz on your head? How many people can say THAT?
Vogue Cigarettes
West Cigarettes
Loved to read your blog. I would like to suggest you that traffic show most people read blogs on Mondays. So it should encourage bloggers to write new write ups over the weekend primarily.
regards
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Things happened in dating life will be heartening to remember if you had experienced it with a good partner. There need not be e a only one time dating life. If someone is left alone there is a need to date again to find another perfect partner.