I was just in a relationship for about a month and a half. It wasn’t a very serious one – but it ended on Sunday. I had a hard time understanding how I felt. In many sense, it was a month and a half – that’s nothing. I’ve dated girls for much longer. I’ve had casual relationships last longer. So what was so weird about this one?

I guess it was that I was ready to dive right in. I was bouncing on the proverbial diving board, ready to take the plunge in what would have been the first relationship I have had in a while. Things were good. She expressed reservation but her actions seemed to indicate there was a future. And as I was there, bouncing, bouncing, bouncing – someone shouted “THERE’S NO WATER IN THE POOL!” I stopped. My body twisted up awkwardly. But I stayed on. Things felt weird as I tried to regain my balance – but I can look down and be thankful that I didn’t crack my head in the empty pool.

Relationships come and go. This one never really got started and it’s bittersweet as I miss the thoughts of “what could have been.” The reality is that none of that stuff could have been. She wasn’t who I thought she was. She was troubled, co-dependent on someone else, and lost. But then again, so was I at 23. It’s not a judgment on who she was, but a comment on the most important thing about relationships: timing.

In the end, maybe I have learned a bit more about myself. I have had an interesting 48 hours – during which I haven’t slept. I still feel those twinges of awkwardness, the longing to communicate with someone or something about this roller coaster of emotion. But, overall, I am happy. I didn’t dive in, but I was ready to. I haven’t been able to say that in a long time…